At an unnamed takeaway food shop I noticed a sign saying “We are kind to the environment”. I also noted the following: Their food was wrapped in aluminium foil – aluminium found by digging the earth for the metal and made in a smelter run by coal or gas The food was then placed in… Continue reading We are kind to the environment – so is my ass…
When a shop assistant says “When you’re ready” and prompts you to tap your card you should:a) physically tap the card (not your forehead)b) whistle dixie for 30 secs THEN tap the card on the consolec) all of the above When a shop assistant says “What can I get you?” you should:a) ask for her… Continue reading Shop Assistants Sayings and Your Replies
When I go for a shower, the first thing I do is get undressed.You know, of course, unless you are Superman, your knickers are the last to take off.When my knickers are dropped, I use my foot to flick them up in the air. This saves me from bending over (and any flattery on your… Continue reading Bathroom Knicker play
Recently, I had an accident on my bike.The bike stopped suddenly and I went over the handlebars.Now that I have recovered, I thought to have a serious talk with the bike. I talked to the bike and said “Don’t be stopping suddenly, OK?” Then I thought wtf am I doing? The bike won ONCE by… Continue reading My Bike wins! (twice!)
A recent search for “digital camera” at an unnamed retailerproduced the following results.You’ll see that not even one result comes close to the search term! Errr… Well maybe the bras (p.3,7,8) that you might want use a “digital camera” to take a picture of!
The wacky world of bureaucrats. A solar powered street light! How is this going to work…… at night?!…and what are you gonna with that light?Find your keys at best?
A bloke said to me the other day, “Want some shit?”I said “Excuse me?”He said “Do you want some shit?”I said “What kind of shit?”He said “Columbian shit!”I said “Columbian shit?”He said “Yes. Columbian shit!”I said “shit!”He said “Yes, but Columbian shit”I said “Let me get this straight. You got shit from Columbia, transported the… Continue reading Shitty Stories
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SHIT –Special High Intensity TrainingPppptt – crap, up the shit, uselessBackward – not forward (ya dumbass)TWIT – Total Wanker In TrainingGoneski – Gone skiing
When foreplaying (and I’m not speaking about golf), it’s important NOT to give mixed signals.Thus, if I touch your boobs you will say “Don’t”.If I touch your down under you will say “Stop”.